Fandom and Being in the Moment

I’ve always had an on-again, off-again relationship with fandom.

Science fiction conventions were one of the few places I felt I belonged when I was in my twenties. Back then, conventions were mostly an all-white affair, but I still more or less felt like I belonged.

During the past two decades I attended Comic Con and Wondercon, but more than anything else, I went to anime conventions. Around 2005 I fell headlong into my anime and manga obsession, and began freelancing in the industry as a translation rewriter and editor for Tokyopop, Bandai Entertainment, and other publishers. I started an anime blog in 2009 that I still keep up today.

Out of curiosity, I decided to attend a traditional literary-focused science fiction convention for the first time in years.

Norwescon is held near Sea-Tac Airport in the Seattle area. From the first moment, it felt like how I remembered these cons always felt. These conventions are always run by a group of people who’ve known each other forever, who were nerds and geeks before the terms were invented. What was different was the fact that there was more diversity in the attendees and in the panels that were presented.

Other than that... it was the same as I remembered, particularly in the emphasis on traditional publishing. As someone who is published by two small traditional publishers but who mostly self-publishes these days, rather than being drawn to such programming like I might have been decades ago, I felt a bit exasperated instead.

This is just my opinion, but it’s an opinion backed by experience. There is such freedom in self-publishing that I can’t even imagine pursuing a traditional literary career now. Yes, maybe submitting the occasional short story to a literary magazine now and again; that could be fun. But I wouldn’t give up control of my stories in any big way. It’s too important to me now to put my work out there exactly as I choose, as I intend.

I had a good time at Norwescon. I enjoyed talking with certain people, and in particular I enjoyed some great panels on slash and fan fiction and erotic fiction that were moderated by Berlynn Wohl.

The overall con experience reminded me that while I usually feel comfortable at conventions, I never feel it’s a perfect fit. I’ve written about this at my anime blog, about how I had a love affair with anime that was on fire for ten years before it slowly began to wane. Part of that was due to being middle-aged when I fell in love with anime. In some respects I was already too old, especially for the conventions, though being - for once - the right race/ethnicity (Japanese-American) was a help.

Life is about evolving. There is no perfect fit in anything anywhere, and I suspect that’s because one is supposed to feel secure enough within oneself that it doesn’t matter. I’ve spent most of my life being betwixt and between in most situations and it’s been fine.

After the convention, I spent two days in downtown Seattle. I stayed at a Hyatt hotel, across from which, catty-corner across the intersection, was another Hyatt hotel.

This second Hyatt had a row of trees in front that captivated my gaze. They had strung blue lights throughout each tree, and on the last day of my trip I attempted to capture the image on my phone.

I don’t know if it was the gray sky or my camera, but no picture I took came out well. In the end I had to laugh and give up. It was a “you had to be there” moment that didn’t want to be memorialized. It wanted you to be in the moment to recognize its beauty, to see and appreciate it.

I’m sure that if you Google “blue light trees Hyatt Olive 8” that someone who’s better than me at taking photos on their phone has managed to capture that image. But I’ll always remember gazing at those trees in the moment.

I almost forgot to mention... I’ll be attending GayRomLit as an author again this October. I’m not big on east coast trips (jet lag), but I wanted to go at least one more time. So if you’re coming this year, stop by my table and say hello. I’ll talk more about the convention as the date draws near.